I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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