i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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