His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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