Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
