I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
