one two three fourrrrnication!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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