so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
