OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
