Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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