i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
