The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
