i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
