I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
