yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
