new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
