I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
