craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
