dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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