Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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