I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I understand Curling. That high.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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