thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
