and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
