I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I believe in your delicious
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
