what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
