I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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