if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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