just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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