I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
