What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
