he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize