it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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