Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
