I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
