Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
