if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
