Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
