just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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