ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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