Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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