Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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