Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
