i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
