Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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