Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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