well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
