I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
