We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize