Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
