So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
