he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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