Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
