my soul wont recognize me after tonight
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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