Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
