Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We are all done wearing pants today
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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