I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
