Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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