You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
