All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
