1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Are my feet made of real feet?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
