That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
