Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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