why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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