I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
