Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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