I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
