Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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