we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
