what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
