Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She made me pour olive oil on her.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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