I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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