Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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