Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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