This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
